Samstag, 24. November 2007

Harry Potter Epilogue

Many people seemingly didn't like the Epilogue of HP 7. If you're among them, here's help courtesy of our shop - print out the letter quoted below, rip out JKR's epilogue, and glue this in:

Malfoy, Griphook, and Blair
Attorneys at Law
Accredited at the Wizengamot
League Alley
Attn: Draco Malfoy

The Burrow, August 29th, 2016

Dear Draco,
As Harry and I told you on the occasion of our last encounter at the meeting of the Hogwarts Board of Trustees, I have a legal matter for your firm. You may be astonished that we turn to you with a muggle discrimination case, and not to our usual partners at Weasley, Wood, Dursley, & Lupin, especially as we haven't always seen eye-to-eye on muggle issues.

But this is a special case - the claimant is a relative of Harry's, and the claim is against Hogwarts, so we would like to avoid the possible conflict of interest. As you know, we're currently already having a sufficiently bad relationship with the Daily Prophet since we exposed that they still employ unpaid house elves in their cafeteria; they are only waiting for a chance to throw mud back at us.
Anyway, it's not just the experience of working with you on the Hogwarts Board of Trustees that makes me turn to you. We at HEMADL have been really impressed with your work on the Gringotts restitution case - forcing them to release the unclaimed treasures of the Death Eaters' victims to their legal heirs was no mean feat. The fact that you could produce both the original Death Eaters' killings records and the list of vaults belonging to the victims speaks for the thorough groundwork you've done to prepare your case. Of course, we cannot promise you anything comparable to your rumoured 25% commission in the case we want to refer to you.
In fact, this looks more like an ex-gratia case, as the claimant is an elderly lady who only has muggle money, and she wouldn't be able to afford Mr. Blair's rates. I must congratulate you on your success in getting him as a partner - your father's connections went beyond the Ministry of Magic at his time, I assume? In any case, having both a muggle and a goblin as partners evidently ensures that you fulfil our criteria for racial diversity.
Let's get on the case. The claimant had applied for Hogwarts unsuccessfully in her youth, being rejected for being a muggle without any wizarding talent by the late Albus Dumbledore (in accordance with the laws and regulations valid at that time). On hearing about the Muggles Non-Discrimination Act, she applied anew, only to be rejected again by Headmaster Flitwick for age reasons.
In our opinion, this age-based discrimination is in clear violation of the EU anti-discrimination directive. The wizengamot has previously ruled on the applicability of EU law to British wizards; after the U.K. acceded to the charter of human rights of the EU constitution, there is simply no excuse for the Hogwarts by-laws violating the pertinent EU directives.
So I assume that the case in itself will not pose any problems for you. Concerning the remuneration, let me say that I see it as a showcase for further cooperation. Besides our obvious partners like the Sirius Black foundation, you know that since the restitution case, we also have a seat on the Gringotts' board, and, obviously, the support of their new treasurer, so it ought to be possible to make them one of your accounts - actually, this would be positive PR for them, showing that they learnt their lesson and that there are no hard feelings. We also are aware that you have approached the "Quibbler", "Kreacher Katering", "Ollivander & Co.", "Weasley's Wizard Wheezes", and other companies belonging to Potter Holdings for business. Since Riddle Estates ended their business with you after you married a muggle girl, Ginny is ready to consider that (well, you know that Harry doesn't bother himself with business matters - being so busy with keeping the Godric's Hollow team in the Premier League and with the DA Defence Academy at Hogwarts). As you can see, there is potential to further both the goals of our society and your business interests.
I'm currently fetching Rose and Hugo from their vacations at their grandparents, but I'll be in town on September 1st, to accompany them to the Hogwarts train, and I assume you'll be there to accompany Scorpius. If you don't have any other plans, let's meet at "Luna's" for dinner to discuss this matter in more detail. Please also bring Paris - I always like to see her. You know that our side will have a match in Bulgaria, so Ron has to leave for Sofia in the afternoon, to continue his rivalry with Krum even as a coach - I wish they would learn from Harry and you how to get along like grown-ups. I'll bring Teddy Lupin instead - I like my own lawyer along when I'm dining with a lawyer, especially of your calibre!
Looking forwards to hear from you,
Yours truly,
Hermione Weasley
House-Elf & Muggle Anti-Discrimination League
Raddick Alley

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